the edge of town

If I could tell you the most important songs I’ve written, from a completely personal stance, they’d be…
I’m Still Unsure Yet, because it was the first Violet Mice song, Water II because I really impressed myself, and probably the song Violence (which you still haven’t heard… maybe I will remedy that in the future), because it was the best summation of feelings I’d written up to then.

But even more important to me than all of these is the song Wolves. Why is Wolves important? Because it’s the first song I ever cut out a verse from, and also it is over twenty minutes long. It’s just a song that I could keep writing lyrics for forever and ever and never get tired of it, and the lyrics probably wouldn’t even get worse.

I feel like I’m puffing myself up. How silly. It seems ridiculous to puff up a song that is ostensibly nonsense to anyone who isn’t me. And it barely keeps sense to me, but in some deep part I know exactly what it means, from every warble to every word, space between word, and every thing. People would say “what the fuck this song is long” and i’ll just do that George Clooney look down then look up and say “no, i think it’s perfect.” ‘Course, I haven’t recorded it perfect yet. But I am close. It’s a hard song to do, being twenty minutes long, and me almost either passing out or vomiting after every take. It takes a lot out.

Anyways, I know what it means because there is specific imagery in it that just is true to me. (The more I write, the more nonsense I say. It’s like “describe the air” and you’re like “it blows, and it’s there.” That’s exactly what this song is.) There are Wolves at the edge of town. Menace! There is danger, but subtle danger, very far away from your scope of seeing. But of course you know it is there, and soon it’ll be upon you and terrifying. What else is there in there? The fear of death as you’re walking? Saying goodbye forever? Pouring blood on your head? Just listen, I guess.

But before you do, here’s the second Wolves-related demo.

I did it at home over a winter break, feeling sad and lonely (best time to write a song, right? ha ha not funny). Anyways, I was watching some ridiculously stupid horror movie with the sound off (i’m not telling you which one because it’s embarrassing). But anyways, this demo is exciting because you can hear me figuring out how the song will sound as i’m playing it, learning how the verses will sound.

12.21.07 (Open D Capo 1) Wolves

From then, by the end, knowing how the song would go, I started walking around Albuquerque, always at night, always afraid. I don’t know what was happening, but I was always almost crying all the time. I ended up writing a whole bunch of lyrics. Which I will post now:

“there are wolves at the edge of town
they holler, they spit, they grin
so keep the dogs inside tonight
to keep, their eyes, intact
cos you wouldn’t want to keep a blind dog
unless, you crave, the novelty
so keep the wolves by the fence
don’t let your, mother, let them in
keep the wolves at the fence
stay, at home, stay fenced in
at the outskirts of corrales
would you, write your address, as such?
but in the night you can hear them
the wolves, have set out, tonight
so when you finally decide you’ve had enough
you can throw yourself to the wolves

well look what you’ve gone and done
you’ve given, yourself, the fear
like you’ve always done
you’ll look, around, your shoulder
and wait for the time when
you’ll feel, your flesh, burst out
and spray blood on the sidewalk
and fall, and never, hit, the ground
so walk with the image
over and over and over again
and when you get home
you’ll know, you’re just, insane again
but you’ll tell yourself again and again
that things, like that, really happen
so when you finally decide you’ve had enough
you can throw yourself to the wolves

one day i’ll go out to the desert
and bring, a pail, of blood
i’ll pour out the blood over me
and watch, as it, spills over me
i’ll watch the excess hit the ground
and wait, and wait, and wait
for the blood to make something grow
i won’t, leave until, i see it sprouting
can blood of man become the blood of earth?
it’s up, to me, to find out
you shouldn’t worry about me
i’ll be covered, in blood, but not sticky
even though i’m in a stretch of nowhere
and it’s cold, i’m wet, with blood
i’ll certainly be alright
i’ve made, my peace, with this blood
and when you finally decide you’ve had enough
you can throw yourself to the wolves

but when you decide that it’s easier
to stomach, death, by yourself
i’ll hand you whatever grew out of the blood
and you can wear it, to, your grave
and hopefully it will grow around your head
and give you, a pretty crown, to wear
because i couldn’t bear the thought of you
in death, without, a crown
you’d think that you would have worn one in life
but i guess, it wasn’t, up to you
well if it was up to me instead of anyone else
i would crown, you, myself
and i would watch you from far away
as you lived, your life, as a queen
i’m just saying it’s enough for me
to never have, to see you, again
it’s not like i see you at all right now
instead, i watch, out for you
at the edge of the fence around my yard
and ev,ry night, i see your face
but the face of yours that i see
is stuck upon a wolf’s
you can holler, you can spit, and you can grin at me
but i’ll never, bring myself, to run to you
even if that’s all you’ve ever wanted
i won’t run, i can wait, i will watch
and i imagine that you will do the same
you won’t run, you can wait, you will watch
but when you finally decide you’ve had enough
you can throw yourself to the wolves

they’re waiting for you.”

Anyways, I’m out of words about Wolves. Here is Wolves, as of now. Be gentle.

Wolves